Sitting down to write your own obituary probably doesn’t sound like an ideal way to spend an afternoon. Naturally, many people don’t like thinking about their mortality or what will happen after they’re gone. But, through my years of experience in legacy planning, I have found that it can also be the key to unlocking deeper purpose and clarity.
When I first engaged in this exercise five years ago, I wrote a really lovely, deeply inaccurate work of fiction. The obituary I had written for myself reflected an age decades beyond my own and spoke of accomplishments and milestones that I hadn’t yet achieved or experienced. What I realized was twofold: 1) I was going to have to rewrite my obituary to reflect the person I was at that moment, and 2) my aspirational obituary had not been written in vain.
There is real power in discerning how you want to be remembered. The gap between what I had written in my first draft and what I could faithfully report in my second revealed a roadmap for actions I could take in the present moment to bring me closer to who I aspire to be and how I wish to be remembered at the end of my life. It brought my values into sharper focus and helped me understand that the legacy I will ultimately leave is determined by the legacy I’m living day in and day out. Since then, I have been able to return to my obituary on an annual basis to measure my progress and assess whether anything has changed.
I have found that the same process can be applied to charitable planning. Whether it’s an obituary, a legacy plan or a personal mission statement, write the aspirational one first. Then, ask yourself: Is this accurate? If not, what are some steps I can take to bring me closer to my ideal vision or goal? In other words, how can I start living the legacy that I want to live on when I’m no longer here? And if it’s any consolation, at least you know you’ll have the last word.
Getting started is usually the hardest part. Here are some tips to keep in mind:
- Read first, write later. Read through obituaries in newspapers and on sites like legacy.com to find examples and inspiration. Consider the ones that stand out to you and try using them as templates for your own.
- Start out short and sweet. Start with a six-word memoir summarizing who you are and how you wish to be remembered, and then expand from there. This exercise will help illuminate the most important aspects of your life and identity—core values, passions, and personality traits. The words that emerge from this exercise can be incorporated into a longer narrative.
- Reflect on your life’s journey… so far! Take time to think about the key moments, achievements, and experiences that have shaped you. This includes your personal and professional accomplishments, meaningful relationships, and passions. Remember, your obituary isn’t just a list of facts but a chance to highlight the essence of who you are and what’s important to you.
- Acknowledge your contributions. Think about how you impact others—whether through your work, volunteer efforts, or personal relationships. You can mention organizations you are involved with, hobbies you love, or the legacy you wish to leave behind. This adds depth to your obituary and shows how you make a difference.
- Personal touches. Infuse your obituary with your personality and interests. Consider adding a favorite quote, a humorous anecdote, or a brief story that reflects your character. This will help create a more authentic and memorable account of your life.
Think about what comes next. To write your aspirational obituary, consider what you want to be true at the end of your life. To write your factual obituary, consider what is true about your life today. Use this project as an opportunity to identify actions you can take to bring your desired future into focus: nurture your relationships, support your favorite causes, take a class, plan a trip, pursue a goal, chase a dream, plant a garden, make a plan, make a change. Writing your obituary can also be a springboard for other forms of planning and writing. Do you have an estate plan, advance care plan, or living will? What about writing a memoir, family history, or personal mission and vision statement?
Whether we are conscious of it or not, we live our legacies every day. The beauty of writing an inspiring obituary now is that you can start living up to it!
For more ideas and resources related to legacy planning, visit cnycf.org/legacy or contact legacy@cnycf.org. For information on how to incorporate charitable giving into your estate plan, visit 5forCNY.org
